Werk!

 

(Musical theater nerd reference to Hamilton!)

After my meltdown last week, this has actually been a good week. My husband and I agree that just when we reach the end of our ropes is when we have a breakthrough that makes us realize everything is going to be OK.

This semester, Marlena has been working incredibly hard preparing for a few performances. It all has come together the past couple of weeks: she did a fantastic job on her Rent solo at her school concert. Then this past weekend, she did her first concert with the Allegro Music Company, the pre-professional choral group at her arts center. After a couple weeks with that group, she said her goal for the year was to get one solo. So far, she's gotten *two* solos with them, and performed the first on Saturday. It was fantastic! And most importantly, she was happy with it. She was also thrilled to be featured on the program cover! 

This is a really great group of singers and dancers, and Marlena is having a great time getting to know them. Not only are they talented musicians, but they are some truly kind kids who are supportive to each other and good influences for the younger kids.

It is an amazing feeling to see your child work hard and consistently, and reach a goal they weren't sure they *could* achieve! I, of course, was confident in her the whole time, but it's most important that *she* believe she can do it. We are incredibly proud of her! 

(Goofy music nerds letting off steam after the concert)

Sometimes Half-Assed Is Good Enough

I thought I would find my Apple Watch super motivating for my activity. I do really enjoy having one device on my wrist that tracks both my heart rate and my steps. But in the few days since I got it, I've gotten the distinct impression that I've been half-assing my workouts. And you know what? It's OK. This morning I did 35 minutes of a 70-minute kickboxing DVD. Then I shut it off, fixed breakfast, and got on with my day. It was good enough. This year, I'm scheduling five early-morning workouts every week, of about 35-45 minutes each. I'm usually doing one HIIT, one steady-state cardio, two strength training, and maybe one metabolic conditioning workout. This is down from six 60-minute workouts I did a few years ago when I was trying to maintain 15 pounds lighter. 

At this point in my life, I am dealing with the beginnings of peri-menopause and helping my daughter deal with her mental health. I am lucky if I get one good night's sleep each week. I am keeping healthy food on the table, and my daughter and I take a 30-60 minute leisure walk-and-talk almost every evening, purely for relaxation and to unwind. Nothing is forever, and this is a temporary season of life. My weight is staying pretty steady, my clothes fit, and my food is pretty automated. I am content with this right now. Even on mornings when I can barely drag myself through a workout and my heart rate is pitifully low, it is OK. I feel like as long as I am getting on my workout clothes and doing *something* for 30 minutes a day, everything will be OK.

In other news, Marlena and I had the best time at the Kacey Musgraves concert on Friday. Marlena talked the rest of the weekend about how great the concert was, and what a nice, relaxing atmosphere it was. Two nice bonuses from the concert: we discovered a new band we love, Humming House. And we had a great time visiting with the dad and daughter who sat with us. It was just lovely having such a relaxing evening out with my kiddo, and watching Marlena enjoy live music with every fiber of her being is always an experience.

Food Truck Friday

Does your town have food truck gatherings? I find them fun once in a while, and we've even visited food trucks when we've been on vacation. This month, the St. Louis Art Museum is having a film series on Friday nights, where they have food trucks all evening, then a movie outdoors after dark. We went this past Friday, and it was a really nice time. My daughter brought a friend, and they had the best time exploring the museum all evening.
For me, the only downside to food trucks is that it's sometimes hard to find food that feels like my preferred variety of healthy. But I got so excited when I saw the Revel food truck there. I've never eaten at their cafe, but my husband said it was delicious. They actually received a write-up in the New York Times this spring.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/26/travel/restaurant-report-athlete-eats-in-st-louis.html?_r=0I had the "“caulichilada” which tasted completely amazing! Now I've been craving it all week! Then I had a paleo chocolate cookie from the coffee truck for dessert. I was completely satisfied, and it was all so delicious.
I realized I've talked a lot lately about following moderation and being more flexible with family meals as a good example. This situation was the best of both worlds - it was a rare opportunity to have it all!

Modeling Moderation

I hope everyone had a very happy July 4th weekend! Our 4th was nice, but having July 5th on a Sunday was my favorite day in a while. The weather was perfect - high 80s but not too humid. Every place we went in St. Louis had little to no crowds. This is Art Hill in Forest Park - normally it would be packed on a beautiful day like yesterday. We went to the pool, the Art Museum, did a little shopping, and tried a new-to-St. Louis ice cream parlor.

Oh, and Marlena did my face for me. I always love the way she does it, and she frequently asks if she can apply my makeup. I just ignore the wrinkles, ha! 

If you ever get a chance to try Jeni's Ice Cream, I highly recommend it! Marlena was cracking up that she somehow got hot fudge all over her arm! 

But the ice cream brings me to my topic: Modeling Moderation. 

Moderation has never come naturally to me. Honestly, I didn't lose 150 pounds by eating/exercising moderately. As the mom of a daughter, I have tried to never ever say negative things about my body, but there have been many times I've said things like, "I *have* to work out!" or eaten different meals from my family to stay On-Plan. From everything I've read, I have internalized the message that "being hardcore" is the most efficient way to maintain. I try to follow most of Dr. Barbara Berkeley's rules from "Refuse To Regain," including weighing and exercising daily and keeping gains to a bare minimum. A couple years ago, though, I made a choice to eat more treats with Marlena, solely for the purpose of modeling moderation. I'm OK with my extra 15 pounds that resulted. 

In the past six weeks, though, we (Marlena, my husband and I, and a couple adults close to her) have become concerned about her vulnerability to eating disorders. It goes hand in hand with her other emotional issues, and it appears to be widespread among a group of her friends. At this point, her food intake hasn't changed, I don't think her weight has changed, but she's begun tracking her food on My Fitness Pal and worrying about her weight and what she eats. She's also begun running, and continues to love dance. My mama gut instinct tells me she does not have an eating disorder, but we are watching it carefully. My gut also tells me that her running is probably 50% for her mood, and 50% for her weight. 

I have always been very open with my family that the main reason I exercise daily is to maintain my mood. So I shouldn't be surprised that, from the list of 100 Ways To Self-Soothe her therapist gave her, she chose exercise. She's been watching Mama self-soothe with exercise for 8 years! 

All this is just to say that there's a reason I've been eating ice cream this summer, even when I'm not really in the mood. My kiddo and husband absolutely LOVE ice cream! It completely breaks my heart to watch Marlena talk herself out of an ice cream because she thinks it has too many calories. So when she says she wants it, I cheerfully walk her to the ice cream parlor in our neighborhood, and we enjoy the heck out of those ice creams. I enjoy the heck out of our walk & talks. And I say "f- it" to the ice cream calories, because showing her it's OK to be moderate is one of my most important jobs right now. 

The Long Rainy Summer

In an effort to focus on the positive, here are some good things that have happened recently:

My anxiety backed down to more normal levels, thank goodness. I now feel able to be a more effective parent. My appetite is still pretty blunted, so my weight has stayed down. And my hair dresser is going to love all my new grey hairs, ha! 

We've had some nice family outings. We attended the Young Artist Center Stage concert at Opera Theatre of St. Louis, which was fantastic. This is the same young artist program I attended 21 years ago, and I can tell you these artists were head and shoulders above my level of singing at that age! Marlena seemed to really enjoy it, and was especially tickled at my and Sasha's complete opera nerdiness. Ha, little does she know we were only about 25% of the way to opera nerds that night - that was completely mild! 

We also attended Pride St. Louis as a family, and Marlena met some friends there. 

Marlena has done a couple of arts camps, because it's good for her to stay busy. I am so amazed by her creativity and talent in so many different arts. She did an oil painting camp and a "movie musicals" camp, where she sang the lead in numbers from Les Mis, Into The Woods, and Legally Blonde. Next week is pottery wheel class, then a two-week a capella camp at the end of the summer. She's also taking tap and ballet classes this summer. She's taking a break from anything competitive, and we're just focusing on enjoying the arts this summer. 

As a family, we have eaten some pretty awesome ice cream so far this summer. Sasha and Marlena are the real ice cream lovers, but if it's really *nice* ice cream, I do enjoy it. Oh my goodness, we have a place called Serendipity in our neighborhood. It's locally handmade ice cream, costs a tiny fortune, but it's phenomenal. Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams has also opened a parlor in St. Louis (!) but we have yet to try it. So far, that has been our "vacation" ice cream place, and it will still need to be a special occasion treat.

I'm looking forward to seeing my family over the July 4th weekend. 

I hope you all are having a nice summer!