What happened??

I got a bad surprise last week. I normally track my weight in My Fitness Pal on Thursdays. I vaguely thought, "Hm, I don't remember tracking that last Thursday, so I guess I'll have two weeks to enter." Imagine my shock when I logged in and realized my last weight check-in was September 10 - five weeks without logging my weight! That hasn't happened since I began WW in 2008! I have been weighing most days, so I had an idea of the number. But it's no accident that when I looked through my food tracker, there were many blank days where I had completely forgotten to even log in and track my daily food or exercise. Notice a pattern??

The ugly truth is I picked up 11 pounds during my anxiety meltdown and sad spell over the past five weeks. The heaviness I felt in my day-to-day life wasn't just in my chest - it was also in my gut and thighs. Boo! This photo was taken yesterday, and thankfully with the autumn clothes, I don't feel like it's noticeable.

Last Thursday, I just woke up feeling more like myself - I don't know how else to describe it. I also realized I'd forgotten to check on a fairly important work task over the same period - it just completely slipped my mind. I have had anxiety spells before, but I don't recall ever losing five weeks of my life before. This was the first time I felt unable to fully function most days, and it's something I feel I need to address with my doctor.

The situation that has been making me sad is pretty much resolved, except in my worry brain. There's nothing I can do to make it better, and I honestly think I'm the only person who is still worrying about it. Isn't there a Buddhist teaching that says something like, "Suffering comes from refusing to accept a situation?" That's so me, and I cause myself a lot of pain with my inability/refusal to just let go. I have this thing where, if a life event doesn't make any sense, I just work and work it over in my mind, until suddenly the truth sifts to the surface, and resonates with a loud "dong" in my mind. I'm not there yet, but I know when I get there, I will be at peace with it.

One thing that makes me feel better is at least I have picked back up with my exercise in the past week, and I've been filling all three circles on my Apple Watch most days. My food choices haven't been terrible, but they have been excessive pretty much every day. Both bread and sugar have welcomed me back with open arms, and neither react well with my system. 

Time to act and eat mindfully again. Time to get honest about my intake. Time to walk the walk I always say: "If the problem isn't hunger, then food isn't the answer." 

Musical Autumn

I can't even tell you how happy it makes me to be back in the swing of Marlena's musical life this autumn. Here she is with her Allegro Voice Company, part of the pre-professional division at her arts center. This is her first year with the group, and I love hearing about the talented, fun kids she's meeting there. It's at the same arts school where she takes tap and ballet.

We were all sad when her community theater group imploded, and she decided to not audition for any shows this fall. She is stage managing her school play, and having a fantastic time with that. We've also attended a few shows, and been really into musical theater soundtracks lately. I will admit that on our evening walks, she usually sings at least one Broadway number, sometimes with choreography. I'm sure our neighbors think we are insane, but it's harmless fun.

A couple weeks ago, we saw the musical Heathers with our longtime family friends. The photo above is the Broadway cast, but the community production we saw was fantastic! It was one of the first regional productions of the show, with a tiny budget, but featured fantastic singing actors. Even the ensemble was completely tight. The musical version was a bit less dark than the movie, although still not appropriate for 8th graders, but we all enjoyed it a lot. My girlfriend and I laughingly gave ourselves Bad Parent awards for this choice.

Then last week, we went with the same friends to see a high school production of Shrek The Musical. Marlena's Allegro friend played Fiona, and she did a fantastic job. It was the complete opposite end of the spectrum from the community theater we're used to. I cannot imagine the budget for this production: the costumes looked like the Broadway costumes, and every set change made my jaw drop. It actually made me really sad for the state of the arts budget at our public school.

And lastly, I am now completely addicted to the Hamilton soundtrack. Have you heard it? Wow, it's amazing! I won't even try to describe it, but I will share the review that led me to first listen to the soundtrack: Jamie Lee Curtis Hamilton review. Seriously, it's on Spotify - listen to at least the first seven numbers (through Jonathan Groff's brilliant King George number) and tell me what you think!