The Long Rainy Summer

In an effort to focus on the positive, here are some good things that have happened recently:

My anxiety backed down to more normal levels, thank goodness. I now feel able to be a more effective parent. My appetite is still pretty blunted, so my weight has stayed down. And my hair dresser is going to love all my new grey hairs, ha! 

We've had some nice family outings. We attended the Young Artist Center Stage concert at Opera Theatre of St. Louis, which was fantastic. This is the same young artist program I attended 21 years ago, and I can tell you these artists were head and shoulders above my level of singing at that age! Marlena seemed to really enjoy it, and was especially tickled at my and Sasha's complete opera nerdiness. Ha, little does she know we were only about 25% of the way to opera nerds that night - that was completely mild! 

We also attended Pride St. Louis as a family, and Marlena met some friends there. 

Marlena has done a couple of arts camps, because it's good for her to stay busy. I am so amazed by her creativity and talent in so many different arts. She did an oil painting camp and a "movie musicals" camp, where she sang the lead in numbers from Les Mis, Into The Woods, and Legally Blonde. Next week is pottery wheel class, then a two-week a capella camp at the end of the summer. She's also taking tap and ballet classes this summer. She's taking a break from anything competitive, and we're just focusing on enjoying the arts this summer. 

As a family, we have eaten some pretty awesome ice cream so far this summer. Sasha and Marlena are the real ice cream lovers, but if it's really *nice* ice cream, I do enjoy it. Oh my goodness, we have a place called Serendipity in our neighborhood. It's locally handmade ice cream, costs a tiny fortune, but it's phenomenal. Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams has also opened a parlor in St. Louis (!) but we have yet to try it. So far, that has been our "vacation" ice cream place, and it will still need to be a special occasion treat.

I'm looking forward to seeing my family over the July 4th weekend. 

I hope you all are having a nice summer!

Anxiety sucks

"Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth . . ." repeat.

This has been my mantra the past couple of weeks. It has been tough, I'm not going to lie. 

At the beginning of this year, I briefly mentioned some trouble my family has been dealing with, specifically my daughter's struggle with anxiety. After months of therapy, then adding very mild meds, things were stabilized. But as soon as school let out for the summer, her mood took a nosedive. Last summer, I felt able to cope and be strong for her. For whatever reason, this time it has triggered my long-dormant anxiety, so now I feel like I'm barely hanging on. It has been probably 20 years since my anxiety has been this bad. Can't concentrate, can't sleep, racing heart, feeling snappish with everyone, and unable to separate my feelings from hers enough to help her cope. 

For me, it feels harder because I'm so introverted and unwilling to share my struggle with friends. My daughter is so extroverted she only feels like her feelings are valid when she's sharing them with others. She's also completely stubborn and not very cooperative with therapy. I feel like we're a toxic combination right now, when I should be able to be her strong support.  Add to that the guilt I feel that she inherited this from me, and I'm feeling pretty crummy and alone. 

I'm also going to have to put away my scale. She has become friends with several girls with eating disorders, and is starting to show signs of worrying about her (completely fine) weight. 

We have another therapy appointment tomorrow, so I'm hoping she finds a little relief there. And being the grownup who's been through it before, I will keep working the steps I know will help me feel better. 

Universal Studios - Day 2

Today was our second day at Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure, and our last day in the theme parks. We toured Hogsmeade again, then rode the Hogwarts Express to Universal Studios. It was cool to see the Knight Bus in the flesh (metal?) 

We did a little more shopping in Diagon Alley. I got a cool sweatshirt/jacket, and Marlena got an awesome Gryffindoor leather phone case.

We ate lunch at the Leaky Cauldron again, simply because of proximity. I actually like the food better at Three Broomsticks, but this was still completely above-average theme park food.

We rode so many rides today! We also did a couple character meet & greets. Sasha was so thrilled to meet a Decepticon. Quite different from the nice Disney characters and Spider Man - he just snarled at everyone, ha! 

By 4pm, we were completely worn out, so we took off for Whole Foods to pick up some dinner. Have I mentioned how much we love the Orlando Whole Foods. Actually, we have kind of a family tradition of stopping at the Whole Foods food bars whenever possible on vacation. So many yummy, healthy options! 

Sasha and Marlena went to the pool after dinner, while I collapsed in the A/C and uploaded photos. 

I forgot to mention that the reason we've booked this particular condo twice is its view of the Disney fireworks. So we watched the Magic Kingdom Wishes fireworks one last time, then went to bed.

Steps for today: 17,093. We were spent. The funny thing was: when Marlena got back to school, she asked her gym teacher if she needed to submit a makeup log. He said, "Yes, please." She said, "OK, I'll write down that we walked x number of miles last week." He replied, "OK, never mind the log - that will do!"

Epcot - Day 2

Epcot today was fantastic, as always. Beautiful beautiful perfect weather.

Walked around World Showcase most of the day, just shopping, people-watching, and pin-trading.

Lunch at Tangerine Cafe again. Should I be embarrassed that the host recognized Marlena and me, and told us "Welcome back"? We love that schwarma!

Marlena also had quite a few yummy treats.

We walked through World Showcase a couple of times and felt like we'd seen pretty much everything we wanted by mid-afternoon. Still, I choked up when we left - I was incredibly sad to be leaving Disney for our last day. Vacation always goes too quickly!

For dinner, we met my husband's dear work friend at Raglan Road in Downtown Disney. She happens to be friends with the manager, who seated us at the best table in the place! We had a great view of the singing and dancing, and the food was really delicious. I had Shepherd's Pie for dinner, then an unbelievable bread pudding for dessert. Oh man, I love bread pudding, but the portion was so huge I was happy to share with Sasha and Marlena!

We walked around Downtown Disney for a while, then went back to our condo.

Steps for this day: 19,342. Believe it or not, it felt like a much lighter day than previous days. I know the gorgeous weather helped so much!