Anxiety sucks

"Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth . . ." repeat.

This has been my mantra the past couple of weeks. It has been tough, I'm not going to lie. 

At the beginning of this year, I briefly mentioned some trouble my family has been dealing with, specifically my daughter's struggle with anxiety. After months of therapy, then adding very mild meds, things were stabilized. But as soon as school let out for the summer, her mood took a nosedive. Last summer, I felt able to cope and be strong for her. For whatever reason, this time it has triggered my long-dormant anxiety, so now I feel like I'm barely hanging on. It has been probably 20 years since my anxiety has been this bad. Can't concentrate, can't sleep, racing heart, feeling snappish with everyone, and unable to separate my feelings from hers enough to help her cope. 

For me, it feels harder because I'm so introverted and unwilling to share my struggle with friends. My daughter is so extroverted she only feels like her feelings are valid when she's sharing them with others. She's also completely stubborn and not very cooperative with therapy. I feel like we're a toxic combination right now, when I should be able to be her strong support.  Add to that the guilt I feel that she inherited this from me, and I'm feeling pretty crummy and alone. 

I'm also going to have to put away my scale. She has become friends with several girls with eating disorders, and is starting to show signs of worrying about her (completely fine) weight. 

We have another therapy appointment tomorrow, so I'm hoping she finds a little relief there. And being the grownup who's been through it before, I will keep working the steps I know will help me feel better.