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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Werk!

 
(Musical theater nerd reference to Hamilton!)

After my meltdown last week, this has actually been a good week. My husband and I agree that just when we reach the end of our ropes is when we have a breakthrough that makes us realize everything is going to be OK.

This semester, Marlena has been working incredibly hard preparing for a few performances. It all has come together the past couple of weeks: she did a fantastic job on her Rent solo at her school concert. Then this past weekend, she did her first concert with the Allegro Music Company, the pre-professional choral group at her arts center. After a couple weeks with that group, she said her goal for the year was to get one solo. So far, she's gotten *two* solos with them, and performed the first on Saturday. It was fantastic! And most importantly, she was happy with it. She was also thrilled to be featured on the program cover! 
This is a really great group of singers and dancers, and Marlena is having a great time getting to know them. Not only are they talented musicians, but they are some truly kind kids who are supportive to each other and good influences for the younger kids.

It is an amazing feeling to see your child work hard and consistently, and reach a goal they weren't sure they *could* achieve! I, of course, was confident in her the whole time, but it's most important that *she* believe she can do it. We are incredibly proud of her! 

(Goofy music nerds letting off steam after the concert)

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Self-Acceptance Wake-up Call

Do any of you read Andie Mitchell's blog? I have been a fan of hers for several years, and her latest blog post really hit home with me.
Why Self-Acceptance Matters

It's such a timely topic for me. It just hit me this morning, with true intensity, that I have been punishing myself again. I am down on myself about pretty much everything right now, doubting all my life choices on an hourly basis. The past five mornings, anxiety has woken me up at 4:30am, with my heart pounding and gut-churning worry until I go ahead and get up. My self-talk has been critical and mean. Eating has sometimes been simply to fill that sinking feeling in my tummy. That, combined with Thanksgiving, has added another five pounds to my scale, rather than the 10 I planned to lose.

I could go on and on about all the mistakes I've been making, but the bottom line is: I'm blaming myself for all my daughter's problems, and I'm punishing myself for it. All the regular Weight Watchers self-talk feels false. When the shrink tells you to lock up all the knives and medicine to keep your child safe, "if hunger isn't the problem . . . blah blah" feels like a crappy platitude.

So I needed this reminder today to be kind to myself. I promise I will practice telling myself, "You're doing the best you can," and even more importantly, I will strive to believe it.