We Americans like shortcuts, don't we? I know I do. I'm always looking for the quickest, most-efficient way to do pretty much every task. When I was in labor, the hospital doula told me something I've never forgotten: "The only way out is through." Holy cow, that pretty much summarized childbirth for me! But I've realized since then that it applies to many other life situations. I found it very true with weight loss and fitness. *Feeling* feelings, which I used to eat to numb.
Grief is a big one. I remember going through a period of about 10 years where I simply didn't cry much. But boy howdy, did I eat! No coincidence that was the time period where I experienced the biggest gains of my life.
My family experienced a big loss last week. My Pa-Pa (my mom's father) passed away at age 94. Although his health hadn't been great the past few months, he was able to be home and driving until the last four days of his life when he had a sudden illness. The speed of his illness was very hard on my mom, but we are all happy he didn't have to give up his independence, which was one of his defining personality traits. He was the smartest man any of us ever knew, and in reminiscing this weekend, I realize I get so much of my personality from him.
I spent the weekend being strong for my mom and helping as much as I could with all the arrangements. My husband and I played and sang at the funeral, which was the first time I've ever attempted that. So much being strong, and today I am completely spent. Truthfully, I have been running on fumes all summer - my husband and I had a long discussion where he thought last summer was the worst ever, but I think this one has been. Constant stress and worry about my daughter has left me feeling gutted every day. We're doing everything we can, and as the school year approaches, we're seeing signs that she's returning to herself.
In the midst of the funeral planning, my massage therapist called to book an appointment for my expiring Living Social coupon. Mentally, I know I need it now more than ever. I'm feeling guilty about taking the hour away from home, when I've been gone for 5 days, the refrigerator is pretty empty, the laundry not done, the house not clean, and I've seen my daughter very little. But I am talking myself into going anyway, because Lisa is one of the most healing, peaceful people I know, and I have a feeling this is the jumping-off point to dealing with my own grief, and starting the "going through" process that can't be skipped over.
❤️
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